The trouble is, banana skins are actually quite tractive, you are very unlikely to slip on one, even on a polished floor! So it was as lowly Lancing, fresh from relegation from the Isthmian League, arrived at the Oval Arena. United have been putting together a nice little run in the league alongside their FA Vase exploits, but were still wary of that banana effect.

They needn’t have worried. It took just eight minutes for leading goal scorer Rhyle Ovenden to start the rout, finishing off a lovely cross from Mufaro Huchu. Not to be outdone, the returning Charlie Ball got his account open with a header from another Huchu cross, nearly repeating it just a minute later, but this time it went just over the bar. On twenty minutes `Ovenden was hauled down in the box, and James Hull smashed home the penalty to make it 3-0. Lancing went into damage control mode, getting everyone behind the ball, but to little effect; Charlie Ball stung the keeper with a rifled shot, which he did very well to save. This obviously irked all who came back a mix later and this time gave no chance at all, heading Ollie Hulls sublime cross home for 4-0. Yannis Drais added a fifth with a pile driver from outside the area to make it a really miserable day for Lancers, 5-0 approaching half time. The Lancing bench were probably putting together a rousing talk when Sam Scott took it upon himself to break down the left and unleash an outside of the left boot rocket to make it 6-0 with probably the goal of the day.

The half time talkin both changing rooms must have been awkward; Lancing knew the chances of a seven goal comeback were frankly zero, maybe keep it tight and get a respectable consolation? In United’s case maybe a bit of let’s make sure we finish the job well, but at 6-0, it’s possibly better to just enjoy a packet of Haribo!

Either way, after the break the pace had dropped and Lancing held on without really threatening that consolation. United dominated proceedings without too much fuss, but on the hour Ball and Drais combined well for Drais to place it in the bottom right, and it was 7-0. Drais was on a bit of a mission now, and a couple of minutes later his attempt at a hat trick went just over the bar. That was to be his last action as Josh Thomas came off the bench to replace him. New momentum flowed as United entered the final twenty, Huchu and Hull both bringing excellent saves from the Lancing keeper, and Jordan Ray having his header deflected for a corner, well held by the keeper under pressure. James Hull and Huchu made way for Prodger and Halsey-Newson, and Loft and Thomas replaced Ovenden and Scott.

Just what Lancing needed- five substitutes in short order, all with fresh legs, all of whom would be in the starting lineup normally. Surely the strongest bench anywhere, and it told. Within a minute the goal was under siege, Teddy Loft’s shot was parried by the keeper and Tony Halsey-Newson stroked home with almost his first touch. 8-0 and misery for the Lancers. Charlie Ball was hungry for a hat trick, and right on 90 minutes took the ball off on a solo run, culminating in his much deserved third, and 9-0 to United. In extra time Ball nearly made it a fourth, but his effort was well blocked.

Joy then for United’s youngsters, seven of whom then went on the next day to beat Eastbourne Borough 2-0 in the under 18s county cup, Teddy Loft getting a brace. For Lancing, it’s a very long journey from here. On Saturday United welcome Peacehaven to the Oval Arena in what’s likely to be a much more keenly fought battle.